2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
