I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
