Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A+ Viking dick
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
