You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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