Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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