i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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