Can i not drive my cunt home
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize