Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize