is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
