O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
