So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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