me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
