he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
