Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
