You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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