final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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