It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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