I didn't shave. On purpose
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
