Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
