So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
