No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
