addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
