There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
