so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
