Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize