Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Too much gin, very little bucket
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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