You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
