Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
