ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
