He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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