theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
