butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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