Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
