I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
