Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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