uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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