i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
