Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize