if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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