I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
