Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize