the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Randomize
