4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
