That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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