Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize