we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
