Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
