This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have post one night stand depression
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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