She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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