So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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