I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
