Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
