well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
