So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
