Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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