I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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