I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
