i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
