I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
