I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
