They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
