We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
