I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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